Toothpaste

One of the dearest things my husband said before he left for academy (only 101 days left) was, "Who will push the toothpaste up for you from the bottom of the tube?"

That makes me laugh every single time I think of it. I am one of those cretans who squeeze the tube right in the middle, and for 18 years my husband has never mentioned it. I had no idea until the other night when I paid attention to myself. Luckily, it's a really big tube.

I will add it to my list of annoying habits right after leaving cupboard doors open and hiding keys in brilliant places. I would consider that my most irritating trait, except I would never clean off counters,  tables and desks if I weren't hunting for my keys. I think my subconscious tells me to put them on top of the toaster so I organize on a regular basis, but that is another blog.

I often argue that love is being able to speak the truth about the other's challenges without the fear of the other walking away. That still is very much a healthy part of relationship, but that stinking toothpaste made me realize something else. Love is learning to ignore and compensate.

I'm not talking enabling destructive behavior, but there is a gift in learning to pretend that poltergeists move my keys and open the cupboards. It's probably hard to blame them for squeezing the toothpaste. Those irritations easily become personal and we start to look at each other with brewing resentment. Rarely does big stuff destroy a marriage; it's the tiny annoyances and nagging that eat away at love. Ignore the little stuff. Or yell about it, but make sure you laugh and smooch after.

For 18 years, my beloved has ignored and dutifully pushed up the toothpaste. He's not a saint*, there are times I irritate the snot out of him and he casts me that look of utter frustration bordering on dislike.

That's when I follow the advice in National Geographic. They did an article on the nature of love and the need to stare into your beloved's eyes for two minutes to release endorphins. So I make him do it and yes, I have poked him in the eye in the process. As hokey as it is, there is something lovely after all these years about staring into each other's eyes. Releases endorphins just thinking about it.

Relationships are wild adventures, often full of disappointment and irritations. Some you deal with and some you learn to ignore; God give us the wisdom to know the difference.

*Of course, he is a saint in the baptized, holy child of God kind of way.