The Incredible Hulk

Don't tell anybody, but I have a thing for the superhero genre. I'm not dorky enough to be a Trekkie, but I am a sucker for the Incredible Hulk, the Wonder Twins, and Aquaman.

My brother and I used to watch The Incredible Hulk religiously. Our favorite line in the world was, "Don't make me angry, you wouldn't like me when I am angry." And you probably wouldn't have liked either of us when we were angry. I apologize to my dear brother for all the times that I told him I hated him, wished he was dead or convinced him he had a different dad. We said wicked mean things to each other. At least we did until my grandma paid us to be quiet.

It is good to be aware of what we do with our anger. I've thrown very unattractive temper tantrums. They are rare and normally related to ping pong. I do yell when I am still in "fun mad" stage. No one is listening to me so I will raise the volume because obviously folks are struggling with their hearing.

I don't get truly angry often, but when I do I tend to cry. It's a weird thing that some of my women friends have commented on in their own lives. Tears may appear manipulative or a conversation stopper, but for me they are a release of frustration and anger. I might also need to confess that I was the only person in the room who cried when the Incredible Hulk died so my tears release lots of things.

Or I walk. If someone makes me angry and I'm not sure if it is truly his/her fault as much as it is my response to a difference or something I didn't want to hear, then I walk. I take a break, write about it, and that helps me figure out what is making me so emotionally responsive. Does something need to change? Or do I need a nap?

Then I confront myself or the person who is making me feel so responsive. Sometimes anger makes me aware of the junk I need to deal with and I have to apologize to whomever I snipped at. Sometimes anger makes me realize that I have been hurt and I need to confront the one who hurt me with that. I've learned not to confront with phrases like "I hate you" and such, but to name what hurt out loud to that person. No silent treatment. No guessing games. No stomping off with my toys.

We cannot experience the gift of confession and forgiveness if we are not honest about anger and hurt. We will inevitably hurt and let each other down when we are in relationship. Conflict is not to be avoided, but it is an opportunity to become closer to each other by confronting the things that hurt and separate us.

Anger is not a bad thing, unless you do turn into a green monster and start ripping your clothes off. Then we have issues.