World Domination or Brad Pitt

I had to text my brother my great bookstore find - RISK. It's not a book; it's a game. If you never played this game of world domination, then your life is just a little sadder.

My brother texted back "Ah yes Risk. Lots of not so good memories but the thought is nice." Here I thought I was re-living an awesome childhood experience, but I suppose there were lots of arguments and fits thrown in the course of dominating the world.

I texted back, "Learning to fight with you helped me hold my own after."

There really is something to it. Healthy relationships should fight well. Maybe I'm just saying this because Kirt and I had a fabulous fight on Saturday, but I do think it is true.

We disagreed about something and it wasn't putting laundry away or cleaning the house. We had very different opinions about how something should be done and we argued. No tears. No yelling. But there was lively discussion and debate.

Fighting is hard. It's easier to roll over or to dominate with emotional manipulation, but actually making an argument about why your perspective has validity is difficult. It is difficult to hear what the other person is saying and not take it personally or dismiss it.

Fighting well is as vital to a relationship as playing well. Fighting and playing are both ways we create intimacy. They are ways that we engage the mystery of the other trusting they will not abandon us. That's why the promises of marriage are so important.

We've made vows of faithfulness through all that is to come until death parts us. Are there times that if Brad Pitt showed up on a horse to ride off in the sunset I would be tempted? Yes. But, then I would remember:

a. I read the magazines and he has some serious issues
b. Unless the horse can swim, we will only make it to mile marker 44
c. I've made promises to the one who is making me crazy and we're bound to figure it out

I'm not looking for therapy, but hiding conflict is not healthy. I think we have a relatively healthy marriage and it's good to know that arguing is part of health. We still laugh and smooch well so don't fret.

I do bring this up also because as a congregation we are going to engage the conversation about marriage and same-gender relationships. We are a congregation bound together by the body and blood of Christ. There are lots of different political and social perspectives in our community and we disagree about some things.

I'm going to be lazy and just share some thoughts from a sermon a couple weeks ago:

I bought a refrigerator for the church the other day and the young woman helping me asked if I was the pastor of the church that welcomed gays and lesbians. My immediate answer was no, she was probably thinking of Aldersgate Methodist who recently had an article about welcoming. I then told her we would love to have her worship with us, but welcome isn’t probably the right word for what Lutherans do or I would argue what Jesus does. I told her that we would love to have her gather with us in what I call an uncomfortable comfort. We expect all to be shaken by God’s word and  comforted by it. She is gathered into God’s love in the same way that someone who struggles with same-sex relationships is gathered and we expect God’s grace to transform us all into people who love and are loved. She freaked when I told her worship was at 9:30 am.

We're going to have some uncomfortable discussions and conflict ahead. That's okay. I'm not freaking out. I'm hoping we can all stay at the table because we all need each other. I'm hoping that if Brad Pitt shows up on a horse outside the church promising a place with no conflict where everyone agrees with you and happy sunsets are forever, you'll have the sense to remember you'll only make it to mile marker 44.