I like cats

My fondness for cats has grown in direct proportion to my disdain for rats. I am not naturally a cat person, but I am willing to compromise now that I realize their crucial role in keeping the rats at bay. I am willing to look into those pleading eyes that seem to be everywhere with some sympathy and speak a few sweet words now that I realize they can take down a rat that is nearly their same size.

That got me thinking about the million compromises that we make in the course of a day and in our lives. I watch the kids continually gathering the necessary votes, compromising what they want this night to get it another night, and figuring out how to be in relationship without the use of duct tape.

The word compromise has taken a beating in some of the current political climate and I would say in the narcissistic leaning of our culture. The word compromise comes from the Latin compromittere. Com means to come together and promittere is promise.  The promises that allow us to be together.

Being in relationship means compromising and making sacrifices. I've watched not only the kids make tons of compromises, but Kirt and I too. One of the things I remember from some book Walt Wangerin wrote was his advice not to think about all the things you sacrifice in a marriage as a sacrifice for the other person. Instead, one should think about the relationship as an entity in itself that you make sacrifices for. It can lead you to a certain martyrdom in relationships when you feel like you are always making sacrifices for the other person, but there are things that must be let go of and held on to for the sake of the relationship.

There are compromises that can't be made without losing the essence of your self, but those are actually easier than the millions that slowly erode your being. I started meeting with a spiritual director in Michigan because I felt fried. Trying to juggle being married, a pastor, and a mom of three small children left me at the end of the day realizing that I hadn't done one thing I wanted to the whole day.

I will always be thankful to her, even though I thought some of the stuff was a little hokey, but she commanded me to go for a walk everyday. I had to do this simple thing to hold onto a part of myself in the midst of all the compromises and relationships. It was where I got grounded and somehow reconnected to myself and often God. Compromise is essential, but figuring out what keeps us grounded is equally crucial.

It's been healing for us to have this time where our greatest compromises revolve around where to eat, what movie to watch, or how to get to our favorite beach. I can quip about cats and rats, but I know that I need this time to prepare for the next stage of our lives when compromises will start to get pretty complex.