Pain

I was going to insist that everyone start calling me Ralph Macchio, but after forty-five minutes in a karate lesson tonight where the average age was eight, I'm way more whiny than he ever was and not worthy of his title. I'm also pretty sure my groin will never be the same again. 

Elijah and I started karate lessons. There was one other parent who participated, but all the other adults stood on the side pointing and laughing. Actually, they didn't. It's against the rules. I laughed a lot, but I think that might have been against the rules too.

It was fun. Don't get me wrong. I signed the contract for life in blood and my Gi is in the dryer right now. We are black belt all the way. 

Unless my personality flaws get in the way. 

I noticed that I'm slightly cynical with some authority issues. I know this is shocking and has long been part of my charming personality, but it definitely gets in the way in karate. So, I'm going to practice for one hour twice a week being obedient and trusting. 

I'm sure I can build my stamina up for the push-ups, stretches, and kicks, but it's going to take a lot of self-control to not be a sardonic stinker. 

I also noticed there are lots of directions. Wow. Lots of rules and lots of directions. That is not my happy place. 

If you know me, then you know I only listen to the first direction and then figure I will make it up from there. I seriously hear "Turn right at the stoplight, blah, blah, blah." Even if I try to focus, I just don't compute more than one direction at a time. I did better than the six year old next to me, but I tried not to rub it in.

The Sensei also expects you to know your left from your right. My mom will tell you about my labelled shoes well into elementary school. I still have to do Ls to tell the difference and then it takes my brain a moment to remember which direction an L should go. 

I'm not sure if it is comforting or shaming that all the six year olds struggle with the same thing.

Finally, there is the whole depth perception thing. Kirt knows he is safe if I'm trying to hit him because I will invariably miss. I just don't judge space well. So I missed kicking the pad repeatedly. It wouldn't be a huge deal except I almost kicked Elijah in the head. I'm hoping if I get this figured out without wounding the children around me, then I might also conquer parallel parking.

What am I doing? I'm busy; this is uncomfortable and hard and it makes me feel old. I suppose I'm doing it to help Elijah risk, but I'm also doing it to remind myself to do the same. It will be good for me even if I never master the crane kick.