Incontinence

Once is a forgivable mistake. Twice is an issue.

Twice now I have received a coupon upon checkout for incontinence pads. I normally don't notice coupons because I've found my only path to sanity when coupons and Fred Meyer are concerned is to throw them away instantly. My children advised me to do this because I embarrass them when I mutter, "this coupon won't work" through the whole checkout process. I'm just trying to prepare myself for the moment of failure.

No, the only reason I noticed that my takeaway coupons were for incontinence pads was because the cashiers mentioned it. Both times. Different cashiers. And they laughed.

Incontinence pads are awesome. After having three children, I know my bladder's response to sneezing and jumping on the trampoline is a foretaste of the feast to come. But I'm thinking I have another twenty years or so on my female parts so what am I buying that is making the algorithm figure I'm incontinent?

I'm thinking it's the sushi. The only reason I go to Fred Meyer is to buy sushi. Maybe there is something about buying four packs of sushi every time I shop that signals to Fred Meyer's marketing I obviously have bladder issues.

Regardless it has gotten me thinking about aging gracefully and I've decided not to do it.

I learned a great lesson from a porcupine Cassie and I bumped into today.

Porcupines have a brilliant defense system. They turn around, stay still and bristle. Porcupines are not aggressive with their quills. They just put them into the position where they look intimidating and can be easily detached. The porcupine doesn't attack or necessarily run (they can climb really well), but she simply turns around and bristles. Bring it on baby.

I think it's a great way to approach aging when I'm not feeling all that gracious. I'm going to turn around and bristle. I think they also release some kind of nasty smell to deter predators and that happens easily enough for me too.

So in my ideal world I want to age graciously and laugh away pains and limitations, but I'm okay embracing some porcupine moments too. Next time the cashier points out my coupon, I'll just turn my back and bristle. That will show her how wrong they are about my demographic.

Hmm. It might put me in a totally different demographic. I need to think about that.