Amazing Grace

I try not to embarrass Sophia. I love to embarrass Hannah. She is so steady for a fourteen year old that it's just fun to mess with her. And she bribes me not to embarrass her.

I've gotten a couple of extra chores our of her for not wearing my robe when I do jazz band car pool. If it weren't at some horrifying hour of the morning, I would get dressed willingly. I failed at the last bribe to not mention any bodily functions in front of her fourteen year old friends. Not my fault. Haeden said something to make me start singing the "Diarrhea Song", to which I have now learned a new verse and can't wait to teach him.

But for Sophia I try to be cool. She is so sensitive to everything. Tonight I failed. Tonight I had a moment of amazing grace.

Sometimes I commit such great feats of coordination I stun even myself. I was the parent volunteer at jump rope so I had the responsibility of sweeping the gym with one of those awesome janitor broom things that are huge.

So, I'm sweeping while the jumpers are warming up and somehow the broom and my feet got all tangled up and I ended up doing a flip/fall move none of them have ever attempted in their fancy routines. They all looked. And laughed. Poor Sophie just shook her head.

It's good for her so I don't feel bad and I didn't get hurt so that makes me even happier. Naming that moment of flailing appendages, laughter, and embarrassment as amazing grace made me smile. My family simply called me grace growing up, no amazing to it, but they noticed I could fall over just by thinking too hard.

Amazing grace. I'm familiar with the tune and idea. We fail and get lost; God forgives and finds us. It's a great hymn with a fabulous story behind. It just seems to me like more is going on with grace.

I'm not sure when the meanings of grace got split into "God's unmerited forgiveness" and "elegance and ease of movement", but it's kind of fun to think about amazing grace ironically in moments of debacle. That probably doesn't make it into any definitions, but it works in my twisted mind.

Maybe grace isn't just about fixing or forgiving mistakes, but living so confidently in love and acceptance that we are free to mess up, claim it and move on. We are free to look foolish, to not know what we are doing or all the answers and actually be open to learning and growing.

Maybe grace isn't always about being found, but having the freedom to get lost. I've perfected the art of getting lost. There are not only fabulous trees, beaches, and ponds to find when I veer off the regular path but also all the dams and since I am in sixth grade I can get myself laughing for quite some time with dam jokes.

Maybe grace is my daughter telling me how much she loves me even when I embarrass her.