I was never cut out to be in marching band. I might have been a decent musician, but once hand-eye coordination, rhythm, and paying attention were added to the mix, I was doomed for failure. At least it gave me the great memory of getting distracted and being on the opposite side of the field from the other two hundred band members. Thank you Mr. Swearingen for yelling my favorite defining line for life, "Stage, what are you doing?"

What I regretted for a moment at the concert tonight was discipline. I don't think it was just laziness. If I am honest with myself, then I have to admit I feared not doing something well and looking like a fool. I would rather be a fool outright than try hard and still fail.
I've learned some discipline along the way. I know I'm a lousy pastor and human being in general if I don't practice morning prayer. This will sound strange, but I'm not a naturally thoughtful or caring individual. I'm deeply compassionate and feel the suffering of others intensely, but I'll probably never remember your birthday or send flowers. Heck, I packed up two care packages for my husband before I realized I forgot to put a note in them.
The discipline of morning prayer helps me practice being present with God, hearing scripture and thinking of others. It helps me practice getting out of the way of my day and being present with the folks I will meet. I pray through my to-do list and get perspective on my priorities. It's not quite like the tedium of practicing the saxophone and I'm not convinced I'm getting any better at what I do, but the practice of prayer helps me be a bit more gracious with myself and others, a bit more willing to risk and look like a fool.
I'm excited that my girls practice their instruments. I was never going to be a concert saxophonist, and truthfully maybe I don't regret playing shadow puppets with the poofy 80's hair guy during band.
3 comments:
Great article. Awesome pic.
Thanks Martin! I'm not even wearing my Q-tip hat for the full effect.
Hey Love! Thanks for the Manning devotional...just the right length and material for my day here. Reminds me of Fr. Rohr.
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