Wisdom

Sophia has said several things recently that have whirled in my brain during quiet moments. The first was when we were in Malaysia and Kirt was missing in action. It was towards the beginning of our time, because by the end we just stopped asking, "Where is dad?"

Sophia looked up at me as they waited anxiously and I waited irritably and she remarked, "I know things always seem to work out for us, but what if this time they don't?" I told her it was a great question and there will come times when things don't work out, but I was pretty confident that her father was wandering the streets reading informational signs.

Last night she came and stood near. She had a hard time sleeping the night before because she was thinking about death and so she clarified. "Mom, what bothers me about dying is that once it's over, it's over and you don't get to go back and fix things."

There is no denying the reality of death and brokenness to a pastor's kid. They see and know too much. I affirmed her thoughtfulness; I can be serious. I told her how important it is to live with love and without regrets. Love and forgiveness - there's a reason those are at the heart of Jesus' ministry.

We will have more conversations along the way. I found a great quote from one of my favorite story tellers Brian Andreas I will share with her, "There is strength that comes from knowing you will die and still refusing to love with anything less than your whole self."

We'll talk about how shit happens and will happen to us. Sophia is allowed to say shit for the same reason that she is allowed to get all the tattoos, piercings and hair colors she wants. I knew when I called her defiant as a child and she claimed that proudly and repeated it with awe, I was in trouble. We are talking about the child who wore goggles and angel wings through childhood.

But she is my whole hearted lover, my wisdom who continues to keep me awake in life with questions that cause some serious stirrings as I age.

My other favorite story by Brian Andreas is for my Sophia, "Most people don't know there are angels whose only job is to make sure you don't get too comfortable & fall asleep & miss your life." When I think of the word angel in its Greek form - the bearer of good news - it makes faith a lot more interesting. Good news in scripture isn't all about comfort, but waking us up and making us show up to life with our whole hearts.

It is only too true that once life is over, it's over and you don't get to go back and fix things.

P.S. Sophie read and approved this message.
P.P.S. www.storypeople.com