Welcoming When You Know Too Much

Malaysia was an excellent experience in welcoming the stranger. The country is incredibly hospitable. I appreciated most how folks could walk us through new rituals, foods, and directions without making us feel like idiots. There is a fine balance between guiding people into the church's rituals and hovering around so they feel like preschoolers.

And now for something completely different . . .

Goofy family at Old Man's Cave

This time in Ohio is not only about visiting family, but observing how we offer hospitality to those we know intimately. I've always served congregations in small towns where folks often know too much about each other. They have watched each other since childhood and everyone has their category of one another that is hard to break out of.

There are scandals in small towns that everyone knows and it makes it hard for folks to return to church. People have expressed concerns that parishioners will whisper or stare. I'm tempted to tell them that won't happen, but I know people a bit too well. We do whisper and stare. We know too much and fill in the blanks when we don't know.

I don't know what hospitality looks like when you know the sordid details of a divorce, death, or disease.  Some people want to talk about it, some want to be distracted, and some want to disappear. I do know that no one likes to be stared at or talked about behind his or her back.

One of the orientation lessons they teach at Bartlett Hospital is called the Platinum Rule (sorry Jesus it does replace the Golden Rule for them). The Platinum Rule is "treat others as they wish to be treated." In other words, ask her what she would like. Ask him if he wants to talk about the divorce or go for a walk to get his mind off of it. It is awkward, but how you deal with a problem may not translate to what someone else needs in the midst of crisis.

I also learn about love in the midst of family. We have a ton of relatives here and we don't always approach life the same. My mom used to always say, "You have to love them, you share blood." True for the church too. Sometimes our differences are vast, but we have to figure out what love looks like because we all share blood too.