T-shirt

I'm writing on Sunday night because tomorrow night I'll probably be making out in a parking lot somewhere. We're going out for our anniversary; twenty years deserves a good make out session. So, if there is a gold truck in your parking lot tomorrow night, just walk away.

I shouldn't write on Sunday nights because I'm tired and will probably manage to piss everyone off. But that hasn't stopped me before.

I'm grumpy because I had to buy another t-shirt this summer. One good hiking shirt normally does me fine, but this year I had to break down and buy another. I normally only spend money on new sweaters and socks. I have to hide the sweaters since someone in the house has told me I have enough and don't need anymore. That's utterly ridiculous. 

Climate change has really become impossible to ignore up here anymore. We get warmer and release our cold air into the jet stream and the rest of you all freeze your bippies off. There's a lot of other funky changes going on with wildlife and the oceans, but the fact that I'm seriously considering fixing the air conditioning in the van is enough to tell me something is amiss.

It's huge and overwhelming. Whether you think it's our fault or not doesn't really matter. I'm trying to figure out how I can tread a little lighter upon the earth without worshiping the earth. I'm also trying to figure out how to care for the environment without being a deadweight at a party. It's already hard enough to get invited out as a pastor/police couple, but if we become environmentalists to boot, nobody will want to hang out with us.

I love environmentalists, but they tend to make me feel a bit self-conscious. It's almost like when someone who lives in a clean house enters my house. We live in a constant state of controlled chaos and compromise; it is not pretty. 

Here's what we try to do:

• Eat local game and garden
• Limit driving; I'm actually trying to talk Kirt into an electric car. Juneau has clean electricity and the cars are so adorable
• Change lightbulbs, reuse sacks, don't buy so much plastic crap in lots of packaging
• Recycle and reduce consumption
• Energy efficient house and appliances
• Keep our house so honking cold that we all need blankets or cuddling
• Avoid bottled water

We suck and give into the myth of convenient consumables at times. I know it's ultimately not convenient and all the stuff that gets made and thrown away is a huge burden on the earth, but sometimes I just get sick of cooking and cleaning up.

But even if I did all the above perfectly, I'm not convinced it makes a huge difference. These are all things I can do without any major lifestyle changes, but they make me feel better about myself. I hear in the back of my head the valid critique of people like me. "You want others (corporations, the wealthy, other countries) to make radical changes, but you won't sacrifice your comfortable way of life." 

When fishermen tell you that the changing climate and acidification of the ocean are major concerns, I feel like we need to pay attention. I'm just not sure how to be a faithful steward who actually makes a difference without being a self-righteous bore. 

Camping is always a great reminder of conservation. Nothing is wasted and you have to be mindful of everything you bring along. I suppose I should try living a bit more conservatively with the mindset of backpacking. 

I'm not sure how to solve stuff, but I do appreciate the horoscope I read, "It's not about winning or losing today, it's about being confident enough to take action. The idea may not be good, the action may not be right, and yet life will be different and better."

I laughed for a long time, but it's kind of the way I live my life. The confidence to make choices and take action is a lot more interesting than imagining our choices are impotent and don't have consequences.