Intimidation

I love my brother, but we don't have a ton in common. We both love ping pong and somewhat spicy food and each other, but we don't approach the world in the same way. That's okay.

One of my seminary professors reminded us before graduation not to be judgmental asses (I don't think he actually used those words, but he meant it). 

You have to assume that people are trying to do the best they can with the resources they have and you never know how long of a journey they have made to reach the point where they currently are. Good words to remember.

So I love my brother and I don't mean this to sound judgmental, but there was a wonderful shattering moment at dinner when I was home. 

My brother is a bit gruff. My son is a bit annoying. The two of them at dinner was hilarious.

I don't remember what Elijah was doing, but I'm sure it was irritating. My brother locked his jaw, looked at him with full force intimidation and growled "stop." And my son laughed. 

It was brilliant. In this moment of intimidation that is a mode of operating for so many folks in our culture, my son laughed, which made us all laugh. 

Our family doesn't work by intimidation on most days, except when I threaten to sell them to the gypsies, which I realize is not culturally sensitive or good parenting, except when I roll down my window driving through town calling for the gypsies, that's awesome parenting skills.

Intimidate - To make someone timid or afraid.

If there is a modus operandi that is contrary to the Christian message, it is intimidation. One of Jesus' main sermons was, "do not fear." I don't want my children to be timid or afraid. I don't want them to be annoying little turds either.

There are ways of disciplining and resolving conflict that don't require intimidation. It just takes a little more effort and patience. 

Do I lose my patience and resort to intimidation tactics of growling or yelling? Yes I do. 

But those are moments I confess at the end of the day as we talk through our happy, sad, God moments. I ask for forgiveness for the many times I am not the parent I want to be.

That makes me realize that the great defense against intimidation is not only humor, but an environment of grace. 

When a family or culture functions by intimidation and fear, then those involved in that system have to resort to lying, sneaking or blaming to get around the threat. 

When a family or culture functions by grace, then those involved may admit when they are wrong, live in truth, and take responsibility for what they do.

We don't have our stuff all together by any stretch of the imagination, but I had a moment of joy to realize my children do not cower in the face of intimidation. If you could have seen the look on my brother's face. Makes me giggle thinking about it.